Don't Be Sick or Exhausted, Just Very Tired! -Elder Holland 1/27/2014

Hello! Time is flying by me now and I leave for California tomorrow! I have loved all that I have learned in the MTC and I'm so grateful for it. I love that quote I put as the title because that is what I'm living right now. I roll out of bed at 6 every day and fall into it at 10:30. During gym time we play hoops as a district! Its awesome! Best break and release of emotions ever. I am the reigning champion of knock out and hold that title very proudly, but not with pride:) So forgot to mention, but I was called as sister training leader last week. It is the equivalent of a zone leader for the sisters. I have LOVED this call and it has really helped me turn out and teach all the time. I'm grateful for how many times I get to bear my testimony and teach and interview the other sisters. My branch president told me that I would have many leadership positions in the course of my mission so to get used to it. Ha well I guess that will be good. I have learned this last week of my love of teaching. I have had the chance to teach a few different investigators while at the MTC and it had made me so excited to get out into the field. I feel so blessed because I never feel fear or scared when I teach. I get into lessons and feel totally calm and peaceful. I know this is a blessing because most people aren't like that. I love the inspired questions and testifying of what I know to be true. It's a great feeling to say something and then feel so strongly that its true. I had a chance to really try and learn balance with my companion. She is a lot quieter then me and struggles in lessons. She will totally freeze up and not say a word. I have just been praying for her and loving her as much as I can. I know God is helping me because I don't feel any kind of annoyance at her like I would have before. I finally decided that I needed to let her totally lead a lesson. It was so hard for me to sit back and let the pauses happen. I killed me because I had so many things to say and I knew exactly where to go. BUT I know she is entitled to the same spirit as me so I trusted that she could do it. It was the roughest lesson we have had but I know that for her is was crucial. She is growing and and it is awesome to see. I'm glad I can learn all these things now. I am learning that this life is a hand crafted experience just for each of us. I have found great peace and answers in the hymns and encourage all of you to read those words if you ever are searching for anything. I know the best coping strategy to any emotion is turning outwards and serving. I know that when I cry out to my God to have my cup removed, He reminds me that just like Christ sometimes the only way is to drink it. I know Christ did it alone so that when I do have to drink the bitter cup i'm surrounded by His love and help. I know in these trials and heartaches God is simply saying, my dear dear child, I know you perfectly and I love you completely. I will drink your bitter cup with you because I already have tasted of its pain. I can answer any pleading any cry because I am always there. He is the Redeemer of the world the healer of my soul. I want to live like Christ did. I want to to love as he did. I want to feel of His grace and mercy. I want to let His light come through me. Because I want these things I am called to His work. My desire makes up for any imperfection and allows Christ to stand by my side. I am ready to allow him to sanctify me. I really gained a testimony of the power of the baptismal invitation on the first lesson this week. I know that we invite not because they are ready, but because it gives them something worth working towards. I know if Christ was there He would offer it and I am acting in His name. Thank you for being a great support and for praying for me! Love ya all lots, Sister Huber

MTC Experience 1/20/2014

Hello! If I was writing you a few days ago this would be a very different letter. I would have been a little more negative and a whole lot more worn out. I totally get why they don't let us email till Monday. Brilliant thinking on their part. They say if you can make it to Sunday, you can make it all the way. Well, I made it to Sunday so I guess that's good. The schedule here is unbelievably draining. Because I'm not learning a language, we have the classes and study time condensed into a week and a half. I'm talking hours and hours a day. I don't think I have ever been this tired in my life. But its not just tired because you are drained too. Remember how when Sidney Rigdon and Joseph Smith had all those visions? Well one account said that after the vision would end Sidney would fall down like a rag because the experience left him with no energy. The amount of the spirit left him totally incapable of standing.? Yep, its kinda like that here. The spirit is so strong and its super awesome, but you have moments or teaching experiences and you walk away feeling like falling down. To have the spirit and feel it and learn from it can totally drain every part of you. I don't know if that makes any sense but its crazy. This work is amazing. There are no words for what happens to the missionary. I feel like the Emily I left a week ago was so young and immature. It might sound funny to you but this week has pretty much just showed me how much I don't get. I knew some stuff, but the depth of my conversion wasn't where it should have been. It scares me to death to realize how much work I have to do in my own life so I can go and help others do it in their lives. But at the same time my testimony of God now allows me to realize that right now, me as Sister Huber, is totally capable of being His missionary and sharing His gospel. I stopped beating myself up yesterday about how I wasn't good enough at this. Because you know what, this is not about ME. This is not the work of Emily Huber. It is the work of my savior Jesus Christ. When the natural man turns in, Christ turns out. That is a big charge but one i'm willing to try and accept. I knelt down last night and I told God I would stop doing this for other people and start doing this purely for HIM. Before I left for my mission everyone kept telling me how awesome I would be or how I wouldn't struggle because I was so ready to go. I kept letting those thoughts get in my head and then when I would struggle, which happens a lot, I would start to get really negative and all down on myself because I wasn't being the "perfect" missionary that everyone said I would be. Ha what a joke. Its like I was serving this mission to prove to everyone that I was that awesome. WRONG idea by the way. Don't ever do anything to prove to someone else that you can. I realized that I would never be enough as a missionary if I was trying to live up to someone's idea of what I should be. I would constantly be miserable when I had a hard day or when a lesson went bad because I would have failed that person's idea of me. But the thing with God is that I can't fail Him. What a freeing beautiful thought that is. We never fail God. Never. You have never Failed Him because His love doesn't know a limit. I knelt down, sobbing, and told God that this mission was for Him. It was His time and I promised to keep it that way. The pressure of being perfect went totally away. To him I've always been perfectly enough. My MTC teacher told me I had to get a speck of land worth rowing towards or I would just sit in the middle of the ocean with no hope of being saved. If you can see the land you can keep yourself going, no matter how tough or tired you are. I found my speck of land. I have my purpose that can get me to wake up and study for 14 hours. It's Him. I love my Savior with all my heart and I want Him to mold me. I can't even wait to see what He can make me. And this message, well its wonderful. And simple. And that makes it beautiful and freeing. I have way more to say but folks.....time is up. Sister Wixom, General Primary President, spoke to us on Sunday and then Sister Sheri Dew that night. Kinda fantastic. I'm starting to get less drained from being constantly taught and uplifted. I love you and I pray for you. Sister Huber p.s. Really all I want is popcorn though for real. I crave it.