What a humbling week this has been. I feel as if all of my flaws and imperfections have been made very clear. I have never felt so much responsibility or motivation in my entire life. It feels as if a million things are weighing down on me, and yet I feel as if I am flying at times. God literally can and does expand our abilities and talents in order to fulfill His purposes. I have been able to remember more information and names and appointments and topics and concerns and questions and commitments and on and on than ever before. It is like my mind has become sharper and more able to retain information. I know that it is a temporary thing but it is amazing to experience.
My little Greenie is super cute and awesome. She is actually almost 22 and from West Virginia. Her name is Sister Vincent and I love her. She graduated from BYU in Speech Pathology (I don’t believe in coincidences) and has a brother serving in Ogden Utah. She is super sweet and learning fast. I feel super lucky to train because it is forcing me to be my very best. I am not slacking at anything. But it is also very hard sometimes because you really do have to kinda run the show. I have to facilitate the lessons in such a way that she feels important and useful and the investigators feels important and listened to and the member feels worthwhile. STRESSFUL. I am trying so hard to let go of my ideas and use hers. I am trying so hard to trust that everything will work out ok. I am actually getting decently good at it… but not perfect so I must push ahead. I wanted her to have responsibility and worth from the get-go so I assigned her a lot to do and set her free. She is the one that has to invite people to be baptized and she has to lead in certain situations. I have been so touched to see her fear but also her determination to be her best. We actually had miracles all week as we set two new baptismal dates and had awesome lessons. God is so aware of our efforts and always makes them enough if we give Him everything we have.
Being an STL is also a lot to deal with. I have to pretty much be on top of everything and be able to help everyone. It is like all of the sudden I am supposed to have all of the answers to everything. I want to have all of the answers but I just don’t! Instead I have been praying a ton and trying to find anything I can to help. I have been making notes and handouts and papers for my Sisters. I have been studying for them and their needs. It is making me such a better person/missionary. I have lots of exchanges this week so pray for me to be able to do all I need to do.
Our mission is pretty far behind in baptisms for the quarter right now. And my Zone is the farthest behind of them all. That is putting a ton of pressure on the zone but mostly the leadership, so me and the Zone Leaders. We have to figure out how to flip this around and baptize. They called me last night and said that if the zone was going to be able to make it to the goal it was pretty much up to my area. The weight of the Del Mar zone is literally resting on our shoulders….me and my brand new sister. Oh my. I was feeling quite overwhelmed with everything. Training, STL and area. It is so much to think about. I finally started to realize the power of the Atonement to lift burdens as I took all these very real concerns and needs to the Savior. I thought of all He was called upon to do and how He still had agency to choose to do it. He didn’t have to actually complete His calling in life. He could have called it quits at any time. That knowledge empowers me for some reason. It makes Him so much more real to me. I have a choice before me- I can call it quits because the thing I have been called upon to do just seems too heavy and too big, or I can use my agency and give it my best effort and complete all that I have been sent here to do. All God asks of us is our hearts and our free will to follow Him. I choose to do that. I choose to do that every day even when it seems impossibly hard. I choose to train a new missionary in the way my Savior would. I choose to help my Sisters and guide them in the way my Savior would. I choose to pour my heart and soul into my area just like my Savior would. And I know without a doubt that He will make me enough. I have already seen it happen. Miracles have happened every day this week. Revelation has come every day to me as I have sought for it. Comfort and strength and energy that is not my own has been poured into my body. I really love Sister Vincent; she is one of those lifelong friends I was promised at the beginning of all of this. I really really really love Del Mar. I get to spend 50% of my mission here-what a blessing that is. I really love the sacrament. You should all study it for next week.
I got to study about repentance this week. I was giving a training on how we can help people repent. I studied the Savior’s life and how He helped people repent. So many beautiful accounts are found in the New Testament as Christ so elegantly shows us the better way. That is what repentance is- choosing to take a higher better way from now on out. Christ helped people see what they did was wrong simply by showing them a better way of life and exhorting them to follow it and then taking their hand and going with them. So beautiful. Let us all try and live a better way so that we can take others with us.
Ricki is an investigator that we set a baptismal date with. His dad is a super less active in prison. One day he found a Book of Mormon and began to love the church again. He now teaches gospel principles in prison. Ricki wants to be sealed to him one day. We taught him the restoration and committed him to baptism on the first lesson. Just like we are supposed too! YAY! Hopefully we can keep teaching him and showing him that better way.
We also set a date with Obed. I will tell you more next week about that one J
LOVE YOU ALL!